The White Trash Mom Handbook

A mommy manifesto for the mom who proudly strives to be less-than-perfect

Michelle Lamar is a wry observer of the politics of elementary schools, the perfect moms who run them, and the kids who are trying to grow up without being embarrassed to death by their parents. This book imparts invaluable advice on how to survive the brutal world of parenting, bake sales, and the PTA.

The White Trash Mom Handbook is a welcome and humorous approach to handling the pressures of modern-day motherhood. Readers can get a good laugh while learning the knowledge and skills needed to become a White Trash Mom:

Fake Bakin’ – transform store-bought treats into bake sale best sellers!
Making Friends – how to spot a fellow White Trash Mom from 50 paces
Helping Out – give back to the school without sacrificing your time or sanity

The White Trash Mom Handbook will teach moms to let go of being the best and embrace their inner rebel so they can enjoy their kids more, avoid PTA purgatory, and get a real life.


“I love it! The immediate comparison is to my favorite pregnancy book, The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy. I think every mom sending her child to kindergarten needs to read this book before Labor Day.” -Amie Adams, DC Metro Moms, Mamma Loves, and Kirsty

“I aspire to the life lessons here, especially how to fake it for the bake sale.” -Kara Swisher, Co-Executive Editor of All Things D, Author

“Take it from a Yellow Trash Dad that The White Trash Mom Handbook is a book that you should read. Actually, you don’t have to read it. Just buy it. Michelle will be just as happy either way–as would I be.” Guy Kawasaki, Co-founder of Alltop as in, Author of The Art of the Start, founder of Garage Ventures

“Filled with lots of funny anecdotes and practical advice on not letting the pretentious aspects of Modern Parenting get you down.” -Gabrielle Blair, New York Designer, writer of “Design Mom” and founder of online community KIRTSY.

“Michelle Lamar’s refreshingly realistic take on motherhood never fails to amuse — and inform. If only we were neighbors, we’d buy her a beer.” -Jessica Morgan, creator of and author of The Fug Awards

“Michelle totally strips the veneer off the ideal mom and tells you to knock it off already if you are spending time and energy trying to be perfect, or even good enough.” -Melinda Roberts, The Mommy Blog, Chief Blogger for MomBlog Network, Author

“Some clarification is due here: Michelle is being ironic when she uses the term White Trash as in ‘My house doesn’t look like the pages of Martha Stewart’s Living — I guess we’re White Trash.’ Or ‘We were in a hurry, so the kids had a drive-thru lunch today — I guess I’m White Trash.’ If you are looking for decorating tips for your double wide trailer, this book is not for you. But if you’d like some real advice on juggling motherhood and work, navigating the hierarchy of your kids’ schools or how to deal with the PTA, you will enjoy Michelle’s book.” -Donna Schwartz Mills, Blogger for Socal Mom and Momocrats

“This handbook is a LIFESAVER. Now I can Fake It For the Bake Sale and Blend IN at the PTA meetings. Michelle Lamar’s irreverent handbook is a must read for all mothers. It’s a reminder that no mom is perfect and offers tips and tricks even the trashiest Mom can use to help navigate the mess of love that is parenthood. ” -Erin Kotecki, Vest-Queen of Spain Blog, Huffington Post

“Buy it for your sister-in-law who gives you the stink-eye every time you give your kid an unthawed eggo. Buy it for the woman in your mommy-and-me group who makes you feel like crap for not making your 3 years old go to Violin/French/Juggling lessons and send another copy to the bitchy chick down the street. The White Trash Mom Handbook is not about money or status or education. It’s about giving yourself the freedom to be yourself, and that is a good thing indeed.” -Jenny Lawson, Houston Chronicle, and The Bloggess

“Every mother out there who doesn’t have a full-time nanny, chef, chauffeur, agent, personal trainer and masseuse should read this book! The White Trash Mom Handbook is mommy self-help at its finest and funniest.” -Lash Fary, Celebrity Gift Guru, and Author

“Whether you need help faking a tray of “homemade” brownies for the bake sale, or coming up with outrageous lies to tell your children for their own good, the White Trash Mom Handbook is a veritable encyclopedia of common sense wisdom. In a world that seems to continually reward style over substance, The White Trash Mom Handbook is a modern-day 95 Theses nailed to the preschool door.” -Christopher B. O’Hara, author of Great American Beer, Senior Vice President,

“Blogebrity, the “velvet rope” of the blog world has deemed White Trash Mom worthy of our “B” list. The book is funny, even if you’re not a parent.” -Kyle Bunch

“Out of all the parenting books available to moms these days, White Trash Mom stands out. More than just a fierce, strong and hilarious punch back at the competitive moms – called out as Muffia – Michelle’s book serves as a guide for moms with children of all ages to band together and revels in our imperfections. Plus, it goes well with a nice Merlot.” -Stephanie Wilder Taylor, author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Naptime is the New Happy hour


MICHELLE LAMAR aka “The White Trash Mom” has 20 years experience in the advertising and public relations business. Her website, averages more than 3,500 unique visitors per week and counting and her blog have over 25,000 readers per month. In addition, Michelle blogs on Disney’s and contributes to a very popular blog called “Celebitchy” that gets over 2.5 million readers a month.


Preface Why Perfection Is Overrated

Modern mothers are expected to look like Heather Locklear and pull down a six-figure salary while home schooling the kids. This standard of perfection is the status quo in today’s culture.
I began writing a blog in August 2005 as a way of dealing with some of the ridiculous and insane expectations that are part of modern motherhood. I called my blog White Trash Mom.