Tacky Princess wrote an awesome post yesterday about the struggle to get her daughter (14) to clean her room. I laughed. I cried. I mostly laughed. Because it wasn’t happening at my house.
TP’s post inspired me to write today’s "The Top Five Lies of Teens". My on line friend (I say he’s a friend, he might say I’m a stalker) Guy Kawasaki wrote a great column on "The Top Ten Lies of Venture Capitalists" . Today’s masterpiece offers you FIVE lies and it involves teenagers instead of venture capitalists because teenagers are far more ruthless.
1. "Yes, I ate dinner." This means that sometime in their teen life, between the ages of 0 and now, they ate dinner. What they really mean is that they had crackers and spray cheese, a diet Coke and frozen Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies while watching "Best of American Idol" and testing their friends.
2."I’ll do it in a minute." This means that they are going to stall and hope you forget about the task you asked them to perform. If they wait and stall longer enough you will have a problem come up at work or better yet…you’ll get mad at someone else.
3."I didn’t know you meant…." This means that they realize they are completely BUSTED in a "stall" tactic or a rule violation, so they are trying to use the old "insanity defense". In a courtroom the insanity defense is used in situations where someone kills then buries a group of people under their back porch. In the household of a teen it is used like this:
"I DIDN’T KNOW that if I called my best friend in Australia and talked for 30 hours straight it would cost a fortune."
4."You are SO MEAN." Translation: If I am a big enough pain in the butt, you will give in and let me do it.
In other words, DISTRACTION.
5."I know you said only 2 friends BUT I actually invited 12…" She drops the bomb that you are having 13 for dinner and sleepover instead of 3 at 5:55, when the party starts at 6pm. You say yes to a few people and before you know it, she’s put the full court press on you for 12.
Remember parenting a takes skill and the ability to see through the smokescreen and diversions. In the words of our late President Ronald Regan:
"Trust but Verify".
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{ 17 comments }
I do have to disagree with number 4 on your list. When a teenager, like myself, says, “You’re SO MEAN!” or “I HATE YOU!” ,it actually translates into, “You are ruining my life”, “don’t talk to me”, “I disown you,” or in some cases “Maybe if I tell her this she will feel bad and ask for my forgiveness.” Being a teenager there are a lot of other cooler things to be doing than correcting you stupid adults. And your title is all messed up: The Top *Ten* Five Lies of Teens.
Ahh, I also have a 14 year old son. And my favorite lie he tells every progress report. “I don’t have any homework.” After a week, I call BS, and get a hold of his teachers who miraculously tell me “Yes, in fact, in junior high, we do NOT have no homework for a week. Your son is flunking.” And then he gets grounded, does all his missing homework, pulls all his grades up to A’s and B’s. Every quarter. Without fail.
Here’s my favorite: “I’m just kidding.” Does anyone else get this?? My kids say things that they know are going to light me up and right before my face turns that third shade of red….they state “I was just kidding.” If I had done this when i was a teen, it wouldn’t be taken as kidding, it would be called a lie and I would be on the naughty list for at least a week!!
Thanks for listing these, I now know what to watch for!!
I have 18 year old twins, a 15 year old and a 2 year old…I laughed when I read this because I have heard them all!
why top ten if they are five? stupid american
Good list.I have 13 and 14-year old boys and I can sooo relate. Can I add?
“Nothing”
As in:
“What did you guys do all day?”
“Nothing” — when in reality they spent $40 on junk they don’t need at the mall, saw a forbidden ‘R’ rated movie, risked their life skateboarding off the dumpsters in the alley behind the mall and ran from the mall cop at breakneck speeds when busted. Uh huh. Sounds like “nothing” to me.
Ooo! One more I forgot. This AM, after brushing the dog (but acting as if I was making her beat the dog with a lead pipe)she looked at me in complete AMAZEMENT when I told her to pick up the dog hair—-not just leave the pounds of hair on the back patio. Her response? “You DIDN’T SAY pick up the hair.” True, I did to SAY to pick up the hair but I thought having 5 pounds of dog hair laying around the back patio was gross. I am such a stickler for detail. *Sigh*
I used, and now hear, all of these. Add “Because.” which translates to “I’m not going to explain it to you because you’re old and have no idea what it’s like to be a teenager.”
So funny and I have shared with my readers linking back to you of coarse.
Sarah
“I just have to finish this battle.”
(video game stall)
I soooo feel the pain of, “I didn’t know you meant…” (as evidenced from my post of yesterday). I’ll be posting Part II of that saga shortly. Sigh. As for the “I know’s”? Yes, that one is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. It smacks of disrespect, no?
This isn’t a lie per se, but my favorite teen expression is simply the word “but”. As in: “BUT if the teacher had let me turn in the last two assignments late, then I would have gotten a B instead of a D”. [exact words from our 14 year old, who's not really grasping the whole idea of getting his homework in on time...]
This is sooo totally true in my household.
One daughter 14 and the other 12… I get this everyday.
I am soo posting this in bullentin on my myspace page. http://myspace.com/cherieandrick for all of my friends to see and feel the pain.
Cherie
How frightened should I be that I’ve heard every one of those–or close enough–from my not quite 4 year-old son?
(Sub lying about wiping his bottom for the sleepover. If I let him have sleepovers, I’m pretty sure he’d invite every kid he knew.)
I have an 11 year old and the one that sets my teeth on edge is “I know” when I’ve asked her to do something. Translation: “I heard you but I’m ignoring you.” I’m trying to outlaw that phrase.
I have a one year old. So, I still have a while until I get to this point. I am scared to death. Ugh.
Haha, so true !!
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