Other blogs have lists and articles about things that readers want to read. This blog has lists of people that should be killed. Read disclaimer at the bottom of this post before you hot line me to social services.
People That Will Die When I Rule the World
1. People that Talk on Their Cell Phones VERY LOUDLY in "Quiet" Public Areas
I was at the library the other day. Quit laughing. I was at the library doing some work and this moron answered his cell phone and began a 20 minute LOUD conversation that could be heard by people in the next state.
2. The Girl on the "Green Network" Who Claims We Don’t Need Dryers
I was channel surfing the other day and saw Discovery Channel’s new "Planet Green". I was engaged in the program until this 25-year-old chick did a segment on "using dryers wastes energy". She showed how SHE DOES NOT USE A DRYER, SHE AIR DRIES HER CLOTHES TO SAVE THE PLANET. After I fell out of my chair laughing at her "laundry"—-7 tank tops—–I knew that she would have to be put on the list. I realize that she will learn, when she has children, that air drying 3 loads of laundry a day will not work. But since it’s way past medication time for me, she made the cut.
3. Lauren Hutton
I was watching the BRAVO A LIST awards (hosted by my all time favorite, Kathy Griffin). The delight that I felt watching this show could fill 10 posts. Lauren Hutton got an award. The senior citizen accepted the award in her BLACK BRA with the SEE THROUGH WHITE TOP and started rambling on stage about things that could only be understood on her home planet, the planet ZORGON. Geez Lauren—–couldn’t you just please show up—-and be halfway normal? You have tons of women everywhere looking up to you, you are a role model—–I could forgive the black bra thing (yikes) if you weren’t so OUT OF IT. Lucky for you that I’m not ruling the world—-yet.
DISCLAIMER: White Trash Mom does not condone killing people, even the people that annoy me. Okay, to be honest, there ARE a few people that I would condone killing but that is a different disclaimer. White Trash Mom realizes that she is probably on her neighbor’s list of "People that Should Be Killed" due to the fact that her yellow lab barks at imaginary squirrels every morning at 645am.
Reading White Trash Mom will not lead to murder, although WTM frequently has been linked to a decline in Junior League membership. White Trash Mom does not have a reckless disregard for the likelihood of causing emotional distress in others and there is a concept called sarcasm that is used in WTM’s writing that some people do not appreciate.
Reading this blog has been shown to cause drunken behavior in laboratory rats and
do not read the this blog to small children as it may cause
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from a local professional. If you would like to use WTM as a professional therapist, please know that it is always the mother’s fault, take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
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{ 16 comments }
Along with your list of people who should be killed belongs my list of people who should not breed.
I agree with the drop off/pick up line Mom’s who cannot for the life of them remain in their spot (and turn off their idling, gas guzzlers). Don’t forget to include the customer service folks who cannot be helpful or responsive and place you on hold with Greensleeves playing. Thanks so much for the laughs!
you left off people who drive in the fast lane slowly while talking on their cell phones.
I love this… I have a similar ongoing list of people who deserve a punch in the face
Lauren Hutton…bless her heart
I wrote a comment about the Discovery Channel girl, but it was too mean.
So, let me just add, quite commonsensically, that air-drying is not an invention or innovation. But it DOES disturb weather patterns. What if everyone line-dried? We’d have these walls of cotton blocking or slowing airflow , sending air up, condensing its moisture out as it hit the Lifting Condensation Level, and then RAINING DOWN ON ALL OF OUR CLOTHES.
And I’m sure it would somehow contribute to global warming. And the corruption of our moral values.
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This is genius. My ONLY complaint was the list was too short (although the disclaimers almost made up for it).
Just found your blog. Wonderful!
I completely agree with #1 – also people that talk really loudly in restaurants. I hate them.
Oh my Lauren Hutton is off her rocker. What was that all about? Did you watch the red carpet?
http://formerlyfun.blogspot.com/2008/06/bravo-g-y-list-awards-red-carpet.html
It was painful.
oh, i totally condone killing people due to their own stupidity.
There are lots of people I’d kill too if it weren’t for laws and this annoying thing I have called guilt. But, if I didn’t have those things, believe me there would be a lot of dead Mom’s at the school drop off.
I am crying with delight upon finding this blog.
Why is it that the people in #1 are never discussing something vital, like, “pick me up at 5:30 in front of the library?” It’s always inane chatter, like “I reduced my carbon footprint by air-drying my five tank tops. My tank tops are sooooo cute!”
I’m all for not wasting things and I like clean air and water as much as the next gal, but I’m about ready to stick my carbon foot up someone’s carbon ass when “eco-chic” people tell me that buying things like this: http://www.greenergrassdesign.com/ragchairbydroog.html helps save the environment.
I love you.
You love me.
Remember this OK?
I have a dryer. I only use it to ‘iron’ clothes. I line dry the rest. Or put on airers. And I do a bajillion loads a day.
Remember you love me right?
Can I help you excute number one?
With number 3, maybe she’s emulating Farah Fawcet (can’t spell).
Heh, and I think people who talk on their cell phones while driving should be killed. I was finally hit last week by someone trying to talk on their cell phone, and have lost count of the number of near-misses in the same situation.
Seriously, the library is not sacred anymore.
Any time our internet is out at home (FU Comcast!), I head to my local library for the free wifi. I’m constantly greeted by people listening to music or playing games loudly on the library’s computers, children screaming (and not being checked on), people having conversations across the room, etc. etc. I’ve taken to keeping earplugs in my purse, lest I hurt someone.
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