Here is a letter that I wish I could write my daughter. I can tell her this stuff in tiny-droplets-of-mother-torture but since she’s 14 and I’m 44, the best I can hope for right now is that she doesn’t totally hate me most of the time. Because it is a scientific fact that I am the meanest mother on the planet earth. Here is what I’d like to say because I know it really sucks being 14 right now.
Dear Sweetheart,
I’m really sorry that it sucks being you right now because the world today is a hell of a lot more competitive than it was when I was 14 (and it sucked, even back then, to be 14). But as I was shopping tonight for stuff for you to take on your class trip it really PISSED ME OFF that you are a beautiful girl but you are not anorexic so the fashions that are "hot" for the kids to wear right now make you feel fat and not pretty.
Your sister who is 10 years old and weighs less than 55 pounds fits perfectly into a teen size 8. I don’t know when the world went to hell and a size 8 was made for a 55 pound, 10 year old.
You are a beautiful girl and you are a size 10—–which is perfectly normal and well into the realm of average. But somewhere between when I was 14 and now….having curves is almost illegal if you want to wear anything "fashionable". It so SUCKS that you are made to think YOU have the problem and that the problem isn’t THE WORLD.
You know your "Auntie L" in California? You know how smart and wonderful and beautiful you think she is? Last time I went to see her, I went into a clothing store and I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR SMALL CHILDREN because the sizes were SO SMALL. I laughed and told your aunt about it and she told me that she is the ONLY MOM AT HER KIDS SCHOOL that is a size 8. She says she feels like a COW at times because she is surrounded by size minus zeros.
I know how much you look up for your Auntie so that is why I’m telling you this because she’s a grown woman and she feels bad sometimes. It’s not you sweetie—-it’s the way things are right now. It’s pretty extreme and it will swing back the other way but right now it’s crazy the expectations for what is beautiful and what is not.
I’m sorry that we didn’t find out about your gluten intolerance and possible celiac disease until now. I’m sorry you don’t feel good most of the time. I’m sorry that on top of it all, you are made to feel less than the cool and wonderful girl you are because the world is crazy right now. But hang in there because the best is yet to come and I promise you 14 does not last forever.
I love you so much and even when I am opening up a can of whupass on you because you are late for school again, I love you so much it hurts.
And no, you cannot have an iphone.
Love
Mom
WhiteTrashMom offers parenting and sanity tips for the school years. If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to our RSS feed. Thanks for stopping by.
{ 7 comments }
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Until a couple of years ago, I was able to wear a junior medium in tops. Now I am rarely able to fit “the ladies” into an XL. Granted, I have gained a little weight, but XL!?
I recently changed my girls’ health insurance policies. My 10 year old is 5′ 1″ and weighs 110. She is a soccer player, very little fat. I could bounce a quarter off of that child’s behind, not that I toss coins at the children or anything, but the insurance company tacked on a “percentage” to her premium because of her height/weight ratio. I feel like taking her down to their office and having her kick someone’s behind
I hear ya babe. I took Moo shopping for her formal dress (prom?) and she was ecstatic that she fit into a size 10 Australian. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was US sizing and really an Australian 14.
BTW she looks amazing. But thinks she is fat cause her friend is a size 6 (which would be one of those sub zeros I expect)
Well said, Michelle. I have 14 and 15 year old boys, and my oldest son is terrified of becoming fat! Even though he is a football player and could use some extra bulk – maybe not fat, but muscle or…bulk – he is so skinny. It’s not even just girls anymore.
She might actually like that letter.
Seal it up and give it to her some day. I know she’ll love it.
Bless your heart, that letter made me tear up. Tell your daughter to take it from a former anorexic, being that skinny does not make you happy. It took me nearly 20 years to figure that out.
BTW, if you can catch them on sale, try Chico’s if you have one there. They’re pricy, but they have half-off sales several times a year. They have a proprietary size scale that starts at 0 (which fits 4-6 and sometimes 8s depending on the cut).
Their fashions are funky and bold, and always accentuate those curves you’re SUPPOSED to have!
Great letter. You might add that if Marilyn Monroe were around today, they’d send her to the Woman’s department at Macy’s. And all of those Size 0s? In 50 years, they’ll look really great with their decorated walkers, seeing as how their bones will have crumbled by then.
Great blog. Count me in as a regular reader.
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