It’s been three years and the pain that was inflicted on my target by some "girl bullies" continues. My daughter has grown stronger every year but the damage is so deep inside and the damage is permanent. Just when I think she’s turned a corner, I’m reminded that there is still a long way to go.
Last night my daughter was supposed to play a starring role in the school musical.
She loves plays and musicals and was very excited to get such a big part. But at the formal dress rehearsal yesterday afternoon, she saw the large crowd of students and families at the performance and could not go on. She was paralyzed by fear and became hysterical at the thought of having so many people "watching" her. She couldn’t go on and do her part.
One of my friends called me after the dress rehearsal to tell me what happened. When I picked her up from school, I asked her why she was so scared. Here is what she said:
"I just freaked when I saw all those people WATCHING me. I became really scared because I felt like I was back in 5th grade again—with people watching and pointing and laughing. I was scared of having so many people focusing on ME. It felt horrible and I almost threw up."
My beautiful and amazing 14 year old daughter was the target of bullying three years ago. Over the period of one school year, we saw our daughter go from a bubbly, confident and happy girl to a withdrawn, sad child who was scared of her shadow.
I’ve blogged about this before and it’s four years later and she is healing. This school year has been her best year yet and at her new school she has wonderful friends and is slowly building up her confidence. Just last week my husband and I were talking about how great she has been doing and how we are seeing more "spunk" from our daughter.
But the past continues to flare up and remind us that the damage is deep and permanent. The girl bullies that tormented my daughter have moved on but their actions will affect my child for years. One study surveyed thousands of adults in their 20’s, who had been the
target of bullying in elementary school. This study found that even 10 to 12 years post-bullying, victims feel lower self-esteem and and battle depression.
I am heart-sick and I am still so angry at times. The "mean girls" that made my daughter a target are from "nice families". Pillars of the community. The girls were smart and made sure that no one saw what they did. As a mother and an adult woman, I mean this when I say I truly hope these girls ROT in HELL.
Don’t tell me to get help or to get my daughter help. My daughter sees a counselor. I have seen a counselor and I pray more than I have ever prayed and most of the time I am peaceful. I can even sit through Mass without wanting to puke when I see one of the "mean girls" who regularly serves as an ALTAR GIRL.
But when events like yesterday happen, my anger rises up and my heart breaks all over again for my daughter. Please don’t let this happen to your child.
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{ 7 comments }
I’m so sorry to hear. My daughter is in 5th grade. She started getting picked on by a group of boys in 3rd grade. I can’t even explain the hell these boys have put us through. They would get physical too. We had to go as far as get police reports & the main boy was finally put down to 1/2 day of school because of all his problems. My daughter wasn’t the only one they went after, but it didn’t stop the horrible emotions that went with bullying. I noticed that dance classes helped her though a lot of it. She was in a lot in 3rd grade & really cut down in 4th because of all the stress. Then she ended up picking up a few more classes half way through 4th & I noticed a big improvement in her attitude. This year she is back to taking a ton of classes & made a competition team so that has helped out alot. I do dread middle school when kids seem to get meaner. Especially since these boys turned a bunch of the girls against her as well. It doesn’t help that the group picking on kids is a different color. It makes for a sticky situation trying to deal with it all. Bullying is awful & I am so sorry that your DD has to go through it!
I am so sorry your daughter has to deal with the repercussions of mean girls’ actions, which they likely don’t even think about.
informed me that when she said something to a girl at school about the fact that she follows a special diet (she has PKU) the girl responded, in front of a group, “Really? Is that why you’re so fat?” and it made my blood boil and I wanted to get the girl’s name and hold onto it for 10 years, and seek and destroy her her freshman year of college. Not mature, I realize, or appropriate, but man it made my blood boil.
Recently, my niece (age
I’m 32 and I can remember incidents when I was teased/bullied from 20 years ago and they instantly bring me back to the feelings of shame and stupidness I had at the time.
God bless your daughter – I hope her confidence continues to grow and pushes her through these issues and she fully realizes her strength and beauty.
Im confident you know this—but your blog? fantiztastic and helping so many people.
that’s it.
go and take on yer monday whilst we sit in blogland and await more wisdom.
M.
Homeschool. And kung fu. Aight?
Unfortuantely bullying has been around since the beginning of time and starts on the school yard and then goes on all the way thru life.
They talk about bullying in school but we’ve got such a long long way to go as a society.
The release of the new video game “Bully” should be banned.
Oh I think I would have had a talk with the priest about the bully being an altar girl.
bullying is definitely a form of rejection.
my 16 year old struggles with this.
it’s deeply woven and she is seeing a counselor as well as obtaining therapy from someone that can prescribe meds.
she has a purging issue and is severly depressed. certainly family members do not help matters either.
i can relate to this form of abuse and my heart cries for my daughter who believes that our lives would be better without hers.
thank God i found her purging when i did.
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